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Self Esteem

Counselling4you works with low self-esteem for a large proportion of the time with clients; it is often part and parcel of and the result of bad experiences. Whether low esteem comes from early childhood experiences or the gradual wearing away of healthy confidence and good self-esteem by work colleagues, a spouse,  a “friend”, a boss etc. it can have a direct and often profound effect on many aspects of your life.

Self-esteem is based on the thoughts and feelings you have about yourself.  These can be positive, negative, or accepting.  Healthy self-esteem is reflected by positive thoughts such as “I am smart, attractive, interesting” and so on, but without being big headed or arrogant. These thoughts can help you feel effective, capable, and lovable. Low self-esteem is reflected by negative thoughts such as "I am ugly, stupid, and boring."  These thoughts can make you feel worthless, unlovable, and incompetent.

People with high self-esteem accept and like themselves.
How is it that some people can weather bad storms in their life, overcome illness, not be affected by other people’s moods, behaviour and out bursts?  Nothing seems to bother them too much and they always seem to be balanced in what they do and say?

According to psychologists, a major factor has to do with self-esteem, that combination of self-confidence and self-respect which empowers a person to keep moving forward and upward.  Psychologists also say that anyone may increase and strengthen self-esteem. Here are some possible ways to build your self-esteem. With someone without confidence and having low self-esteem the following may not be that easy because of other related issue. Counselling4you will work with you to assist in gaining/regaining what was lost or not there in the first place.

1 Make the Most of Yourself.

Too many people put themselves down and dwell on their negatives. The first step in building stronger self-esteem is to stop kicking yourself and harness the potential within.

2 Take Small Risks.

There is nothing quite like accepting a new challenge and conquering it. A good approach is to tackle a project you have been hesitant about doing.  Go back to college and do a course, earn a diploma or degree, take up singing lessons, join an art club etc.

3 Try To Be Optimistic.

Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore faith in yourself.
Think positive. When you find yourself in a negative cycle or ready to berate yourself for an error you’ve made, murmur a ‘pet phrase’ that has a positive message for you. Some examples are, ‘I learn from making mistakes’ or ‘I have the power to choose.’”

4 Turn Negatives into Positives.

Life brings setbacks to everybody. The key is to transform pain into gain and hurt into healing.

5 Avoid Being Judgmental.

“Every time I get close to someone they begin to back off and drop out of my life.” Look at what you think and say about people. If it is negative it may hurt the other person, but the person being affected the most is you. It might make you feel superior for a second but the overall message of and to your self is detrimental and damaging. A judgmental attitude came from low self-esteem, which we try to overcome by criticising others. By viewing others more positively we can find ourselves able to make and keep friends.

6 Seek Enriching/Balanced Relationships- Not Toxic Ones.

Developing strong self-esteem means connecting with women and men who affirm our gifts and talents.  An important part of most people’s success lay in the ability to surround ourselves with people who are good role models. Think about people you admire, study how they do things and see whether you can adopt some of their habits.

7 Try to Forgive Yourself.

Everyone experiences failure.  But berating yourself solves nothing. Learn that you have got to forgive yourself at times and grow from failure instead of letting it destroy you.

Trying to put these steps into your daily life will strengthen self-esteem, will empower you to be a happier and more loving person, increase your chance for success and lead to greater fulfilment in life.